You’re a ripe one, Mr. Bilt

Pete’s stinky (and naughty) by nature.


So last night, the bi-monthly task of bathing Peterbilt, went as expected. The process is almost the same every time. We sneak towels into the bathroom with ninja slyness. Justin hides behind the bathroom door in silence. I, nonchalantly take a piece of beef jerky out of the fridge and pretend to walk around the house eating it, verbalizing how great it tastes, all while totally ignoring Peterbilt. This grabs Peterbilt’s attention right away. He drops whatever thing he’s currently destroying to follow me and tries desperately to make eye contact. He’s so focused on beef jerky that I just tossed into the bathroom, he totally forgets that we’ve played this same trick on him about 30 times before. He runs into the bathroom get the treat, Justin pops out from behind the door with an “Gotcha!” and together we muster all of the strength we can to lift a now deadweight bulldog into the bathtub.


For now, we have a pleasant smelling dog, though that will only last another few precious hours before the Stench of Bilt lingers in. Within 4 days guaranteed, we will be back in full on “Stinky Petuh” mode.


I am at a loss as to why this dog cannot stay clean and fresh. Bulldogs are indoor dogs. We wash his dog bed frequently. We keep the backyard free of dead squirrels. It’s not a dental issue. His teeth and gums are in fairly good shape. We clean his ears often. Hell, even Mack takes at least 3-4 weeks before he needs a bath.


Peter’s special musk is ever changing but is usually one of the following: low tide at the beach, inside of a teenage boy’s gym locker, stinky feet, or sometimes Fritos. (I can’t eat Fritos anymore) Peter loves every stink-filled second of it and loves to “spread the wealth”, meaning he basically gives our entire house a fragrant dry rub:



Pete loves a good “roll in the sheets”, meaning he enthusiastically rolls all over our bed and blankets. We are constantly chasing him off of our bed and our shooing usually ends up turning into trampoline time on the bed. I don’t think the mattress warranty covers that.




The worst is when he rides in the car with us. We can run inside a store for 5 minutes and come back to a warm, concentrated smell, humid from his incessant panting. It’s like walking into a sauna that was converted from an old Porta-John. And a fart would be the cherry on the sundae. And that’s during the fall and winter months. With the windows cracked. Sometimes we dab Vicks under our noses. He’s cadaver ripe.


You’re thinking: “Easy solution! Just bathe the dog more often!”. Yeah no. We don’t hate ourselves enough that we can bathe this dog weekly. Our wounds haven’t even healed from the last bath.


I’d like to be able to wrap this story up by telling you how I figured out how to keep the dog semi-clean, but this is an ongoing situation. Does anyone out there have any recommendations on certain dog shampoos or dog hygiene products? Has anyone has this same problem and found that certain foods help? Any input is appreciated.


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