Things that go bump in the night


The majority of my weekend was spent in the company of my two bulldogs. With my husband up north all weekend for deer hunting, I was on the receiving end of many vocal complaints from 2 very needy bulldogs,  one of which is complaining to me now as I type. I feel like a court jester called to entertain at bulldog’s whim.

Anyways, I usually let one of the bulldogs sleep in the bed with me when my husband is not home. I go in thinking a movie in bed will be the perfect time for us to bond and snuggle, me with a glass of wine. I come out sleep deprived, sore from being kicked all night long and needing to wipe drool off of some part of me. Sharing a bed with a bulldog is not for everyone. Here is a list of things you may hear, see or smell in the night to determine if in fact, a bulldog might be in your bed.


  • You can’t fall asleep before 1 AM because of Kong chewing noises
  • You get hourly wafts of fart throughout the night
  • You hear a deep, throaty growl every time you change sleeping positions
  • The bed is shaking with enough turbulence to wake you up
  • You hear a jowl flap in exhalation at 2 AM, and you laugh
  • You wake up at 3 AM to slurping noises
  • Kicks to the junk in the middle of the night are not infrequent
  • You feel your feet getting licked at some point
  • You have the sensation that someone is watching you sleep. The hot breath gives it away
  • You get up to pee in the middle of the night and your pillow goes missing
  • and finally, you just might have a bulldog in your bed if: it’s 10AM and there’s a snoring mass underneath the covers that grunts when poked.
Categories: Dogs, Farts | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

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