Things that go bump in the night

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The majority of my weekend was spent in the company of my two bulldogs. With my husband up north all weekend for deer hunting, I was on the receiving end of many vocal complaints from 2 very needy bulldogs,  one of which is complaining to me now as I type. I feel like a court jester called to entertain at bulldog’s whim.

Anyways, I usually let one of the bulldogs sleep in the bed with me when my husband is not home. I go in thinking a movie in bed will be the perfect time for us to bond and snuggle, me with a glass of wine. I come out sleep deprived, sore from being kicked all night long and needing to wipe drool off of some part of me. Sharing a bed with a bulldog is not for everyone. Here is a list of things you may hear, see or smell in the night to determine if in fact, a bulldog might be in your bed.

YOU JUST MIGHT HAVE A BULLDOG IN YOUR BED IF:

  • You can’t fall asleep before 1 AM because of Kong chewing noises
  • You get hourly wafts of fart throughout the night
  • You hear a deep, throaty growl every time you change sleeping positions
  • The bed is shaking with enough turbulence to wake you up
  • You hear a jowl flap in exhalation at 2 AM, and you laugh
  • You wake up at 3 AM to slurping noises
  • Kicks to the junk in the middle of the night are not infrequent
  • You feel your feet getting licked at some point
  • You have the sensation that someone is watching you sleep. The hot breath gives it away
  • You get up to pee in the middle of the night and your pillow goes missing
  • and finally, you just might have a bulldog in your bed if: it’s 10AM and there’s a snoring mass underneath the covers that grunts when poked.
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Categories: Dogs, Farts | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

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