We learn to not to take things for granted, at our house. What is here today might be gone tomorrow. So enjoy today because it’s like a gift or something. Wait, how does that go again?
I really should know better.
I found this vase at Target the other day on the clearance end cap for LITERALLY $2!!!! I couldn’t not buy it:
Excited with my purchase, I hurried home and set it up in the perfect spot. I stepped back to appreciate my sense of design and patted myself on the back for such a good find. “I’m so awesome. My husband doesn’t know how lucky he is”…………Then, my gut sank. This vase is short-term, as much as I hate it to be. Eventually, could be tomorrow, next week or if I’m lucky a year from now, one of the bulldogs will break it.
I can probably tell you how it will happen, too.
Scenario #1 (and the most likely): Death by Bilt
Peterbilt goes on one of his excitable, nimbly-bimbly streaks and tears ass across the house in glee. Unable to start or stop very well on the hardwood, Peterbilt takes out the vase like a bowling pin. And he’s the giant, furry, psychotic bowling ball.
Scenario #2: Assed to death
Mack strolls across the house not giving a fuck. Walks by the vase to peek out the window….yep…front yard is still there, and swings his fat ass around and knocks over the vase. And then farts in feigned guilt.
Scenario #3: Runaway Toy
Peterbilt plays catch a lot by himself. He tosses and catches his own toys. That’s what happens when you’re a weirdo. No one wants to play with you. Those odd shaped Kongs bounce in unpredictable directions. One, slippery Kong bounces into the vase, shattering it.
Scenario #4: Husband.
This one I probably won’t know about when it happens. I’ll just be sweeping one day and noticed the vase looks like it was glued together at some point. Then I’ll ask him about it and I’ll get some mumbled response. And then he’ll fart in feigned guilt.
So I am enjoying the vase now, while it is mine and in one piece. Mack inspected it when I brought it home. He sniffed it briefly and looked at me and farted: “I permit this, Treat Lady”.
But it one thing life has taught me, when life gives you lemons, get some vodka and make a drink out of that shit. Other words, I’m taking bets! Comment below to give me your estimated day, week or month of projected breakage. I’m taking week of New Years, but I will post once it has broken, and don’t doubt that it will. Person who comes closest will be mentioned in the blog!