Golden Showers

Yep, that’s right. Pee-Pee. A river of it is forming in my house and I’m powerless to stop it.

11-1

At 4-1/2 years old, Peterbilt has taken the liberty to totally un-house train himself and now pees in the house, every day, while we are at work. Our house might as well be a fire hydrant.

We’ve tried a variety of things to curb this: morning walks, taking his water away while were away and blocking off his usual pee corners (he just makes new ones). Before we leave, we give him Kongs filled with various foods as busy toys, to no avail. He’s totally healthy, well…physically anyways….as confirmed by the vet. He had one UTI earlier in the year, which came about during this whole ongoing incident, so it was really obvious that he had it when he started peeing blood. But that was resolved with meds and every pee puddle since is just blood-free. So we got that going for us.

He doesn’t piss himself while asleep, nor does he pee in the house while we are home. We have not made any big changes to our house or family or his schedule, that I can see anyways.

To be totally honest, this dog was never 100% house trained. He’d have an accident in the house about a 5-6 times in a given year, usually happening after being boarded at the doggy country club for a few days. We NEVER use to have a behavioral issue with him during the hours of which we went to work. Any emotional outburst by him was usually done at night, if we left to go out.

However, over the last few months the pee puddles have increased steadily to just about every time we leave the house, including when we go to work.

He totally knows he’s in trouble when you come home, too. He looks extremely submissive and is unusually affectionate and loving. He tries to block you from the puddle. On the flip side, on the now rare occasion that he DOESN’T pee in the house, he is excited that we are home and is eager to show us the area that he DIDN’T pee in. He does this special dance in celebration then, where he swings his butt from side to side like he’s doing his own version of The Twist.

This dog is a fucking enigma. What god-forsaken tangled ball of emotional and mental distress could be causing this? I have a few theories, but your guess is as good as mine:

 

1.) Substitution

Peterbilt has always had separation anxiety and we’re not sure why. It didn’t really manifest itself until he was about 2 years old. He used to deal with it by chewing/eating/destroying our shoes, cherished possessions, hopes and dreams. Since we’ve Bilt-proofed our house, Peterbilt is substituting whizzing in the house for chewing shoes. So we haven’t resolved his anxiety issue. We Band-Aid’ed it and it came off in the pool. It still floating in there. Eww.

2.) He hates the new color of our living room

We’ve recently went from a Sky Blue (what was I smoking 4 years ago?) to a Toasty Taupe. It looks 10x better to me but he just might just have shitty taste in decor. He is colorblind after all.

3.) He’s mad we canceled cable.

Maybe he enjoyed watching Walking Dead with the hubs…but F those assclowns at Comcast. We will wait for that shit to come out on Netflix.

4.) Fear of nuclear war

5.) His heart bleeds for those dogs & cats on those ASPCA commercials, that he can’t watch anymore because we canceled cable.

6.) 2 of the 4 of the Golden Girls are dead.

Mack couldn't be happier about the whole thing.  Every time a Peter pees, another Mack Truck smiles with glee

Mack couldn’t be happier about the whole thing. Every time a Peter pees, another Mack Truck smiles with glee

So we’ve checked marked every possible way to avoid this problem except for one: crating.

I was saving that for last. The mom in me is heart-broken at having to baby-gate him off, as this is surely to affect his quality of life. Poor guy.

 

The other side of me sees the cost replacing hardwood floors and is tired of having my house smell like tinkle. Our poor mop. It’s perpetually moist. Moist. Don’t you hate that word? I don’t :). Moist.

 

For my own selfish reasons, I gave Peterbilt another 5 chances or so and he just keeps peeing. I know he’s trying to tell me something, but how can you reason with a dog? A maniac, meathead crack-hound, no less?

So the other night, the hubs and I were eating dinner and discussing this very topic. We let Peterbilt outside to drop a deuce and I told Husband about my guilt about crating him while we are at work. I admitted to myself that I was avoiding it, even praying about it. And just then, we heard a K-K-K-K-K-K-KA-KUNK! outside. Peterbilt slipped on the icy steps of the porch and crashed landed. He came inside with a noticeable limp. Great. Another leg injury.

 

So…..

 

The answer has been made for us. Crate Peterbilt. Not only for the house-peeing, but to keep him on physical restrictions in hopes that whatever injury it is, it will heal itself and not yield another $4000 surgery. Because an expensive surgery is just what I wanted for Christmas.

11-2

Speaking of Christmas, the Christmas tree is now up and that blocks Peter’s favorite pee corner.

God works in mysterious ways.

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Categories: Dogs | Tags: , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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One thought on “Golden Showers

  1. Pingback: Why I haven’t posted in a few weeks | House of Farts

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