Celebrating Birthdays After You’re Married

Special occasions can take on a different tone after you’ve known your partner for very long time.

When you first meet somebody, you spend a lot of time and energy making sure that their birthdays are well celebrated and the Christmas presents are well thought out. Then the novelty wears off and you become more comfortable in your relationship. You’re no longer trying to impress each other because each of you knows who the other is. Gifts go from extravagant to practical, or sometimes non existent. Slippers for Christmas? I can say I’m genuinely happy that I got slippers for Christmas. “Thanks, Hun. I could really use a pair of slippers. No, really. Peterbilt ate my last pair.” Ironically, Peterbilt gets better birthday celebrations than we do:


Case in point: my husband’s birthday was Thursday. Our health insurance policy recently changed from affordable and reasonable to “Kinda Not Really” coverage (by Medica). We had just learned we were on the ball for the entire bill from last month’s ER visit for Hubs. A miniscule piece of metal got stuck his eye after welding and he had to go in and have it removed, which in the ER, takes like eight doctors to do.

So with the surprise bill absorbing a great deal of our spending cash, it was up to me to make my husband’s birthday enjoyable while still being affordable. So, I took stock of all the food items that we had our house and I sent him an email the morning of his birthday:

Re: Best birthday $3 dollars can buy!

I have developed a few options to help celebrate your birthday tonight with a $3 spending cap. Your Berfday packages are as follows:

Package #1: Little Flitaly

A taste of Florida and Italy, wrapped up into one delicious yet oddly paired meal!

Dinner: Spaghetti (ground beef and hot Italian sausage) with Garlic Bread.
Desert: Key Lime Pie with whipped cream.
Entertainment: Mack will serenade over dinner us with his shrieking from the other room.
Red Box Movie: Old Boy

Package #2: The Denali

An Exquisite dining experience.

Dinner: Those buffalo wings that have been in the chest freezer like FOREVER , with fries. Or Mac n Cheese. Or both. Hell, it is your birthday.
Desert: Klondike bar with a candle in it.
Entertainment: Peter will will perform a skit where he ferociously humps his dog bed because he hasn’t had a walk today.
Red Box Movie: Runner Runner

Package #3: Windy City

Pack some heat because this dinner’s so good, you might be murdered for it.

Dinner: Brats and/or hot dogs. We have all of the fixin’s to make a killer Chi-town dawg! Mac-n-cheese for a side.
Desert: I’ll make brownies. Not sure what that has to do with Chicago, I just haven’t had a brownie in a while.
Entertainment: I’ll play happy birthday for you with my armpit.
Red Box Movie: Dallas Buyers Club


And do you know what option he picked?

Number 1. And he loved the dinner & dessert. Even more so than the brand-new coffee thermos I gave him for his birthday (again with the practicality). I forgot to pick up the Redbox movie, but he didn’t care. To make up for it, I tried to play Happy Birthday for him on my armpit but Mack upstaged me by farting loudly. As we ran for cover to the bedroom, laughing and then hiding as we heard Mack coming for us, Hubs whispered that he could not think of a better way to turn 36. Sarcastic? Probably. But I know there was some truth to it.

Welcome to Mundane.

Welcome to Mundane.

Categories: Being Married, Dogs, Farts, Potty Humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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